Father
i never realised how much i am like my father. considering i havnt lived with him for more then a week since the divorce in about 2002 it is surprising.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
These 2 Hearts
2 Hearts
when i was younger, really young, towards the end of primary school, my moms and older sisters friends used to say i would have all the girls chasing me and be breaking hears when i got older.
i never believed them. why would i want girls chasing me.
but at the time although i didnt understand how much the opposite sex was going to effect my emotions and actions, being somewhat logical i was kind of pleased, i trusted them that this was a good thing. as i was at the age where i had a couple crushes.
all through high school i didnt believe them. perhaps it was the school i went to but all the girls i was attracted to wernt in my circles or my type of person. noone were chasing me or not doing a very good job. any girls that did show interest i didnt like in that way and remained friends. and i began to forget about what they had said.
until now. until i went to europe for 2 months and met some amazing people. now i know what they are talking about, not that i have hundreds of girls running after me, but about the breaking hearts thing - maybe its just because girls fall in love, or think they do, and get attached more easily then i do to them. zzzz
etc
etc.
malcom in the middle
my butt is sweaty, it just needs to air out, the trailer
- parenting 101: im not getting up again, if that monster wants to suck out your brain you just let it and go back to sleep
Sunday, March 27, 2011
sundaynight/mondaymorning
less then 7 hours till i start work and 6 until i have to get up.
listening to the radio dept, from sweden, as recommened by AnnKat.
dont know what i want to do. not feeling that motivated to do sport, drink not much really.
didnt eat well today. inteneded on eating some eggs for dinner but forgot about them and they exploded. really feel like taking photos and spending eternity in lying on my back floating the sea.
am i too young for full time engineering work? am i too immature? i dont know. i think i will push through and try it out, give it a fair go, if not just for the the money which will provide me with numerous travelling oportunities.
i mean, will i ever be mature enough and ready for full time work? i dont know, but i would expectthe answer to be yes, eventually. so why not live life while i can, before i get old and bored with it all. before the point of inevidable marrige and kids.
at least i know i have the option of just leaving everything and doing what i want, is that career suicide though? what if i want to go back? which i will.
then again i was studying with 30+yos who did that exact thing.
ok, 2 years with UGL and frequent holidays and then i will re assess. check my options for working in europe or other. who knows, maybe i wont be here by then, maybe noone will be here by then. if thats the case the, oh well, ive enjoyed it.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Monday, November 29, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
the evolution of society
When we look back in time and see who ruled the music scene throughout the ages and we see the Beatles dominating the 60s, Michael Jackson in 80/90s and Nirvana in the 90s etc, and then we come to 2010 and lady gaga and Justin Bieber are on top of the music scene and all I think is our kids are going to laugh at us. No one will be listening to gaga or Bieber in 50 years time. What happened to the most popular music being about the best music, not the youngest kid that can sing, or the female who creates the most controversy. Im not hating on Bieber or Gaga, im simply voicing my disappointment in society’s music choices as a whole.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Up in the air
also, i cant see myself old. like its hard to picture having a house with a wife and kids (maybe).
i guess its cos the last 4 years have been pretty predictable, even the last 21, going to school, going to uni, studying my ass off instead of partying.
now its like we can do so much, there are so many decisions we can make that can change our lives for completely.
i dont think i cant picture myself old beacuse im not going to do that, beacuse im going to be different and do what i want but i think its cos i dont want to picture it, i would like to stay this age for a while longer. i guess ive got at least 10 years to go of what i would call youngish. and by then i will more then likely want something different, esp if i meet the right girl.
im going to copy this into a blog.
i guess its cos the last 4 years have been pretty predictable, even the last 21, going to school, going to uni, studying my ass off instead of partying.
now its like we can do so much, there are so many decisions we can make that can change our lives for completely.
i dont think i cant picture myself old beacuse im not going to do that, beacuse im going to be different and do what i want but i think its cos i dont want to picture it, i would like to stay this age for a while longer. i guess ive got at least 10 years to go of what i would call youngish. and by then i will more then likely want something different, esp if i meet the right girl.
im going to copy this into a blog.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
listening to swedish music looking at my photos, wishing i was back.
84 days to go, i think.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/bestill_d
----------------
Now playing: avner - bed för mig
via FoxyTunes
84 days to go, i think.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/bestill_d
----------------
Now playing: avner - bed för mig
via FoxyTunes
Monday, September 6, 2010
Note to self + ramble
have transferred all of my thoughts onto twitter. its a bit more boring but quicker.
right now my life consists of
uni work
seeing friends twice a week, friday and saturday night. sometimes both, sometimes neither.
my dog recently bit me, it changed our relationship to be honest, i trust him a lot less and see him more as a dog then as my friend. he is no longer my favourite being in the world.
i know have none.
it is like i lied to myself, telling myself that he loves me, that he could be an adequate companion with in my life, as humans are so unreliable and he has no choice but to stay and love me, or else he gets no food.
he is the definition of what it means to be a living organism, spend all your time doing everything you can to get some food and reproduce. although as his balls are currently, and have been for some time, detached from le pénis he has a lower desire to mate.
my favourite song is Ellen dritter gesang (ave maria)by Franz Schubert, some composer who is, according to at least one fan, in some respects better then Beethoven considering the difference in life span. I wish to be killed to that song, or at least have it played at my funeral.
i started watching mad men, ive been meaning to for some time now but never got into it on tv, it is actually quite good, only watched one ep and already a fair amount of character development and the foundation for conflicts has been laid.
i started talking to my long time ex-ex-ex gf, ie 3 gfs ago, via email, which included long conversations, until she got fired, or something then she stopped replying i didnt mind so much and in fact forgot about it after the first day. i like her and would definitely sleep with her but she has a bf and dosnt want me, perhaps she is slightly lonely and just wants a good friend, cos as she explains she has a few ass hole guy friends. most of them i had to meet or hear about at some point in our relationship.
her new bf looks similar to me in some respects, i dont know what that says other then she has a certain taste in guys. i think she is just one of those people that needs a bf, to give her something to do, someone to talk to at any hour of the day, but isnt this what most women want?
i would not know, i have not conquered the female species as such, i have merely tapped into the resources and most times come out scaved and suffering, with lengthy periods of morning.
my life is going to change dramatically very quickly and i dont know how i feel about it. last time my life went through change it took me a year to get back to 60% of what it was. this included, crashing my car and getting a new one, getting vacation work which meant i could spend 2 months in europe the following year, broke up with my gf, got a new one, she broke up with me, started Roaccutane acne medication that FUCKS you up in the head, not in that order.
my new change will include a new job, where by i will no longer be living off $100 a week but a fair bit more. i am (hopefully) graduating from uni and leaving that life behind. study is really the only way of life i know, i have technically been studying for my entire life span 20+ years.
choke, is a book i have been reading, it is pretty cool and only the second book i have every attempted to read by my own will, even then the first one was to impress a girl. problem is, it is about a sex addict and that is difficult when you havnt had sex in, say four months, and havnt had A grade sex in two years now.
im going to europe at the end of the year, with some uni friends, shud be interesting how long i stay with them, my idea of travelling and having fun is slightly different, but at least i can tell ppl im going with someone, because the conversation is extended if i tell them im going by myself, as they go into why, how, and basically its cos they cudnt do it by themselves, most people cant go to the shops by themselves, let alone another fucking country, with a language they dont speak and thousands of miles away from friendly faces. but i think that is the joy of it.
i want to go sky diving next year, it is high on my things to do before i die. i also need to buy a motorbike, jsut so i can get my adrenaline glands emitting chemicals into my brain again.
life in general is boring. being a realist, i am enjoying my life, esp in compassion to people i know and unfortunate people of the third world.
im shutting up now. going to sleep before i watch another ep of corner gas, mad men or community.
right now my life consists of
uni work
seeing friends twice a week, friday and saturday night. sometimes both, sometimes neither.
my dog recently bit me, it changed our relationship to be honest, i trust him a lot less and see him more as a dog then as my friend. he is no longer my favourite being in the world.
i know have none.
it is like i lied to myself, telling myself that he loves me, that he could be an adequate companion with in my life, as humans are so unreliable and he has no choice but to stay and love me, or else he gets no food.
he is the definition of what it means to be a living organism, spend all your time doing everything you can to get some food and reproduce. although as his balls are currently, and have been for some time, detached from le pénis he has a lower desire to mate.
my favourite song is Ellen dritter gesang (ave maria)by Franz Schubert, some composer who is, according to at least one fan, in some respects better then Beethoven considering the difference in life span. I wish to be killed to that song, or at least have it played at my funeral.
i started watching mad men, ive been meaning to for some time now but never got into it on tv, it is actually quite good, only watched one ep and already a fair amount of character development and the foundation for conflicts has been laid.
i started talking to my long time ex-ex-ex gf, ie 3 gfs ago, via email, which included long conversations, until she got fired, or something then she stopped replying i didnt mind so much and in fact forgot about it after the first day. i like her and would definitely sleep with her but she has a bf and dosnt want me, perhaps she is slightly lonely and just wants a good friend, cos as she explains she has a few ass hole guy friends. most of them i had to meet or hear about at some point in our relationship.
her new bf looks similar to me in some respects, i dont know what that says other then she has a certain taste in guys. i think she is just one of those people that needs a bf, to give her something to do, someone to talk to at any hour of the day, but isnt this what most women want?
i would not know, i have not conquered the female species as such, i have merely tapped into the resources and most times come out scaved and suffering, with lengthy periods of morning.
my life is going to change dramatically very quickly and i dont know how i feel about it. last time my life went through change it took me a year to get back to 60% of what it was. this included, crashing my car and getting a new one, getting vacation work which meant i could spend 2 months in europe the following year, broke up with my gf, got a new one, she broke up with me, started Roaccutane acne medication that FUCKS you up in the head, not in that order.
my new change will include a new job, where by i will no longer be living off $100 a week but a fair bit more. i am (hopefully) graduating from uni and leaving that life behind. study is really the only way of life i know, i have technically been studying for my entire life span 20+ years.
choke, is a book i have been reading, it is pretty cool and only the second book i have every attempted to read by my own will, even then the first one was to impress a girl. problem is, it is about a sex addict and that is difficult when you havnt had sex in, say four months, and havnt had A grade sex in two years now.
im going to europe at the end of the year, with some uni friends, shud be interesting how long i stay with them, my idea of travelling and having fun is slightly different, but at least i can tell ppl im going with someone, because the conversation is extended if i tell them im going by myself, as they go into why, how, and basically its cos they cudnt do it by themselves, most people cant go to the shops by themselves, let alone another fucking country, with a language they dont speak and thousands of miles away from friendly faces. but i think that is the joy of it.
i want to go sky diving next year, it is high on my things to do before i die. i also need to buy a motorbike, jsut so i can get my adrenaline glands emitting chemicals into my brain again.
life in general is boring. being a realist, i am enjoying my life, esp in compassion to people i know and unfortunate people of the third world.
im shutting up now. going to sleep before i watch another ep of corner gas, mad men or community.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
sometimes, when im feeling like i need to leave, need to escape from this place, my home which i love but nevertheless need, from time to time a break, a pause in my somewhat pre planned pre determined life (work 8-5, car, house, wife, kids), of which i do not intend on conforming to, conforming is not what i do, i do not know how, i cant even bring myself to conform to minority groups who are conforming for the greater good, of which is to not conform to the majority, the populations views and actions.
when i feel this need to leave, i do. and if i can not for some reason at some specific point in time
sometimes when im driving, driving to some arbitrary destination in my arbitrary life, i turn off the radio, and turn on the air conditioner - or heater depending on circumstances, to lever four/four, and just drive, preferably on the fwy, simulating the sound and feel of an aeroplane, simulating that feeling of freedom, freedom one can only experience from travelling 12000 kilometres above sea level.
eta sweden: 9 days
eta europe: 122 days
when i feel this need to leave, i do. and if i can not for some reason at some specific point in time
sometimes when im driving, driving to some arbitrary destination in my arbitrary life, i turn off the radio, and turn on the air conditioner - or heater depending on circumstances, to lever four/four, and just drive, preferably on the fwy, simulating the sound and feel of an aeroplane, simulating that feeling of freedom, freedom one can only experience from travelling 12000 kilometres above sea level.
eta sweden: 9 days
eta europe: 122 days
i want that beach
i want that life
the life offered by that isolation
that life of no care
where the only thing that matters are your basic human necessities
i want that freedom
unfortunately i will only ever experience glimpses of what i desire,
and what may or may not have been offered on that beach
although, i do not want the complications that inevitably come from such paradise
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Monday, May 31, 2010
will police horses peruse speeding
cars, what if you ran a red light.
what if you were on a horse and
ran a light, would they chase you?
and have a high speed horse chase.
i should get a fast ex racing
horse and try it out.
or taunt them until they peruse
can/will police horses peruse
speeding cars, what if you ran a
red light.
in front of horse police, will
they peruse.
what if you were on a horse and
you ran a light,
would they chase you then.
and have a high speed horse chase.
i should get a fast ex racing
horse and try it out.
or taunt them until they peruse
Black Hawk Down
in high school i was so obsessed with the movie
black hawk down, not only did i analyse it as a
book twice for english, i used a line from it
during a break up
"you know what i thank, it dont matter what i
think"
black hawk down, not only did i analyse it as a
book twice for english, i used a line from it
during a break up
"you know what i thank, it dont matter what i
think"
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