London 2012

i just got very excited for the Olympics.
if this was a tv commercial it would definitely increase viewers

http://vimeo.com/45784191

office life of a fat man

have you noticed that all those super geeky cult sci fis all have star in the title. star wars, star trek, star gate. are they really that unimaginative? i like/love starwars, but not the others. 

i thought about this cos theres an engineer at work who has a star trek mug that is clearly from 20 years ago. and then we were in a meeting iwth him and his phone went off and it was the star wars theme song. brilliant. and if you saw this guy he talks and laughs like a geek. nice guy tho and good engineer. but its just funny, filling the stereotype of geeky engineer. 

 

but the real story i have to tell is about someone else at work. who sits in our office and surfs the net all day calls people ordering glazed pots or camping equipment or talking with debt collectors and does work for 30 minutes. hes about 60 and retiring in a year or 2 so really dosnt give a shit. fair enough i say. 

 

anyway, he is interesting and does plenty of other things like listening to music with head phones so loud everyone can hear it, which is bad enough but then he starts singing, nice and loudly and of course badly. 

 

his latest saga has been to do with fixing an imported scooter from italy that is special in some way, cos he cant get a license for it since he has high blood pressure. ill keep you updated on that one. cos he has pictures glued onto blue card board in the office, similar to a kid making a collage of his favourite cars. 

 

his favourite saying is "to cut a long story short" which he uses in almost every story he tells, on the phone in person, to work mates, glazed pot sellers and debt collectors. always makes me think, thank god hes not telling the the long version, fuck. 

anyway, he often disappears for periods of time, sometime admitting he is going to buy a cd from a shop. but sometimes its meetings. but sometimes he comes back after 15-20 minutes and he walks in panting like he just ran 20 metres -pause- i forgot to tell you his appearance. he is a 60+ year old man from north england with a thick jordy accent even though hes been here for ages. he is pretty short, about my shoulder height, though ive never stood that close too him, but no higher then my chin for sure. he has a very big, very fat, very round, beer belly. maybe hes just preparing for his retirement so he can sit on the couch for days without having to move - which would be cleaver. but clearly he does not eat very well. in all aspects. content wise as well as mannerism wise, but this is another benefit of his large belly/beer gut (cant really say belly since it pretty much includes his chest), which he uses to catch food that falls out of his mouth as he eats, a disadvantage many fat people have due to their habit of eating too fast. 

 

he has also admitted that he is what you would call an english 'mod', or 'stompy'. which apparently means they wear doc martins, long leather coats, rolled up jeans, round glasses and an odd hat or some sought. ok -resume- once he comes back panting like he went for a jog, he sits down re arranges some of his things while saying 'ok' to himself several times. although i have not thought about it a lot (i swear) i have always assumed it is cos he has spent the last 20 minutes on the toilet and i have always stopped my imagination from going on further. 

 

however, the other day i went to the toilet. i wanted a break and just sit in silence for a few minutes, maybe take a quick nap. while i was in my cubical relaxing, on my phone about to wish my mom happy birthday on facebook, a man comes in. and with out going into any details proceeded to complete the task with great effort and a lot of noise. similar to that of someone at the gym lifting too much weights. 

 

i got up and left after about 5 seconds of realising who it was. i came back to my desk and waited, roughly 20 minutes and sure enough he returned panting more then myself after the 20km ride to work. 

 

needless to say, i had now confirmed why he often returned panting. and concluded that he must eat too much red meat. maybe i should subtly drop hints that one should eat less meat and try this new age thing called exercise.

 

 

 

 

398 to go

aww lost a friend on facebook. i was so close to reaching 400, which has been my number one goal in life for the past few seconds. now i am back down to the shamming 398 :'( how ever will i show my self in the virtual society

i hope they miss me as much as i miss them, i already miss having them as a number in my life already. we were so close.

i will always wonder what could have been, perhaps you were the one i was destine to be with.

i will always question why i have lost this most valuable friendship, what i can improve in myself, perhaps i did not hold the elevators for you as you ran for the door because i thought it would be funnier if you didnt make it. perhaps i publicly made reference to fat people in a negative way that offended you in some way

what ever the reason i hope you can find it in your heart to one day friend me again.

until then,

#fuckoff

COMBAT EVOLVED

you know what ive realised. i lose at everything (sport related).

indoor soccer, outdoor soccer, volleyball, indoor cricket

golf and tennis i have a chance depending on who im playing. if they havnt played since around the last time i played i have a chance.

cycling, i beat a lot of people on the commuter track but they are twice my age, step into the serious competition and i am destroyed, granted im not nearly as serious as everyone but still.

the only thing i truly dominate at is halo 1 and 2 on xbox.

even school, academicaly, i was never the smartest. i was like the average person in the smart peoples maths class in high school. better than anyone who wasnt in the class but only average with in the class. this followed in uni. though i would say i was slightly above average at university, results wise.

im basically just above average in everything i do, and in a lot of areas. if you weighted my scores in a lot of areas i think i would do okej, well more than just above average.

i dunno if its good or bad. its probably better to dominate in a couple of things and be below average in everything else. everything else that you dont care so much about.

average enough to have fun but not to win a lot. than you dominate confidently in your chosen fields.

i only ever get a bit above average, on the boarder of being out of the average category but not quite, like photography and playing pool table, and halo 1 & 2.

return

since getting more friends on twitter - mostly uni friends, ive decided its not safe to express all my thoughts on twitter. so im going to re start my blog. i titled it Royal Gregory after the Holy fuck song.

1. i figured out why love europe and feel like i fit in more there - I prefer EU music, films, sports, models, cars, girls, guys. when mom was pregnant with me, pretty pregnant i think, my family travelled europe. Mom, Dad, Ray, Laura. They went to Paris and Germany to see my uncle. they climbed the Eiffel tower and walked under the Brandenburg gates and drove around the UK.
believing that when you are young you are best at absorbing information, it is entirely likely that even hearing the foreign accents while in my most early developing stage i grew a fondness and love for europe that was suppressed most of my life. suppressed until i heard the amazing music of the Tough Alliance and other swedish electronic indie bands.
i cant find a clip on youtube. but theres an episode of malcom in the middle (s1 e25) where Louis is pregnant with malcom and hal is trying to teach reese to be smart so hes playing clasical music and uing flash cards to teach him, but it works on malcom not reece.